There are more things in heaven and earth...

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

I have been riding a euphoric wave the entire week following my wedding. I would call it strange, since it is unlike any feeling I have ever really known, however, others who have married have assured me that the feeling is natural, normal and should be enjoyed.

So I will.

However, I have been feeling one thing that seems to be more than normal wedded bliss - perhaps extraordinarily so. I feel as though my soul was cleansed, almost like a cosmic re-boot of the spirit. I feel renewed and free, like I have never felt before. I would be tempted to attribute this feeling to my new marriage, but it seems somehow more than that.

I should mention that it is not like me to view the world through rose colored lenses. I am a natural cynic, raised to question everything, taught to not trust the motives of others. I look at life through the eyes of a skeptic, disguised as a realist, and more often than not, I find myself following pessimists down their dark and dour paths. It is not that I choose realism or pessimism, but in the past I have been so deeply hurt by supposed friends, or betrayed by those calling themselves my allies, that somewhere in my subconscious mind I have learned not to trust, and to question everyone and everything.

But lately that just doesn't seem right.

I have to start by stating the obvious: Love is strange. It certainly took me by surprise. To say I wasn't looking for love is a lie; I believe that on some level we all look for love every moment of every day. However, I never really expected to find it. When I did, I didn't expect the enormity of my feelings. I thought this depth of feeling was myth. I was wrong. I am glad I was wrong. Then I didn't think I could feel any more ...love. But I do. It seems an unending supply of happiness and emotional connection. It seems like it will overwhelm me at any moment, but it doesn't. I just keep finding new ways to express it.

Perhaps it was that monumental step of committing my life completely to another person, or perhaps realizing that someone wanted to commit his life to mine started this flood of joy. Perhaps I just need to be committed. Whatever it is, it seems like I see love wherever I look now. I felt so much love for my husband that day. I felt so much love surrounding me. I felt love from my family and from my friends. I felt joy from people I had just met and from those I had known a lifetime. I wish I could find a way to bottle this feeling and share it. Or keep it stored away for those cold nights where loneliness seems overwhelming. The best I can do is to try to express it with prose: and if prose is too limiting, with poetry; and if that becomes too small, with song or dance or art. I feel a poor vessel for such beauty.

I had a chance to make some new friends and to renew old friendships over that weekend. Maybe my eyes were opened because of love, maybe because I grew tired of being such a cynic. Whatever the reason, I was able to see and recognize love from others for what felt like the first time in a decade. Did you know that joy can manifest itself physically? It can. I learned that aura is not just something for the new age crowd and can be viewed by anyone whose heart and eyes are open to it. I learned that you can see a bond between two people and recognize its significance. I saw soul mates holding hands, brothers embracing, parents holding children, and friends affirming their friendships with each other. I saw new bonds forming among strangers. I built new connections and strengthened old connections, which, by virtue of my new love, felt reborn.

Sadly, I have learned that there is also a converse to this renewed vision. As obvious as the love between two people can be, it can be as blatantly apparent when there is nothing holding people together. I witnessed that as well. I saw people throw up walls to separate themselves from the joy present that day. I saw people try to force happiness that didn't exist. It made me feel sad for those people. It made me realize that while for me the feelings were overwhelming and cleansing, to some present that day, those feelings were non-existent. I saw people try to force a levity they did not feel. I saw people close themselves off and shut themselves down. As a result they seemed distant and angry and strangely empty.

I try to think back to other moments in time I have witnessed. I have gone to countless weddings of family, friends, and clients. I have always tried to open myself up to share in the joy that these others were feeling. I always thought of it as "borrowed" or somehow "stolen". I never considered that what I was feeling was my own joy, amplified by the moment. I understand that better now. Joy and happiness cannot be borrowed, they have to be in you all along. Perhaps the small romantic part of my soul that refused to give in to the cynic kept that joy alive. Perhaps I was not so pessimistic as I had thought.

In any case, I am beginning to understand that those who so often seem cold or unhappy are so within themselves only. I am beginning to realize that I cannot feel anger toward people who seem unwilling to be happy. It is truly their loss that they could not share in the outpouring of love and surrender themselves completely to it. I have stopped feeling angry and begun to feel sorrow for those seemingly lost souls who felt more empowered by bitterness than by love. I truly hope that they can find some happiness in the weeks and months to come. I hope that they evaluate who they are and where they are in their lives and find something to be thankful for. I hope that they can, each one of them, learn to be happy with themselves. I hope that they find their soul mates, if they haven't already. I hope they find forgiveness if they hold animosity. I hope they find peace, and joy and love in abundance.

I hope they can find their way as I did, and I feel I finally have.