A little more than kin...

…A hell of a lot less than kind.

My future Mother-in-law does not want to attend our wedding. It’s not that she can’t afford to come. It’s not that she has some other plans. It’s that she doesn’t want to because she hasn’t seen her son (her only child) for four years. Of course this makes sense… in her weird medicated world. You see, if she comes for the wedding, he will be “too busy with his wife” to spend all his time with her. So she has decided it’s best to not come at all.

Nice.

My fiancé expected this. I half did too. She has not shown herself to be entirely stable in the almost three years I have known (about) her. I’ve never met her. Probably never will at this rate. She missed a scheduled trip out here last year. She said that my fiancé should come visit her instead. Alone. For a month or two. I shrugged it off as one of the weird things that mothers do. After all, my own mother is crazy in her own right. She has made planning this wedding miserable at best. But at least I know she will be there.

But not my new mother in law. She can’t be bothered to get on a plane to go to Las Vegas even for a day. She has decided that her own wants and needs outweigh those of her son. What a nice lady. I can’t wait to meet her and tell her how wonderful she really is. I have been practicing a little speech. It’s beautiful. Very emotional. I tried to keep it simple, keep the words short… There aren’t very many over four letters long.

Maybe I’ll write a letter instead. Dear Bitch, I’ll lovingly begin. Bitch can be a term of endearment, you know.

Really, I should let it go. I am just angry: angrier than I have ever been at another person for any reason, angrier than I have been at my own mother, angrier than I have been at my own father. They just hurt me. She, on the other hand, has hurt and continues to hurt my fiancé. And that is something I am not prepared to let go so easily.

The thing that broke my heart was when he called me to tell me that he just realized that now, he won’t have even one blood relative at our wedding.

I almost wept.

We were keeping our guest list small. My blood relatives were limited to my parents and my brothers. He was inviting only his mother and his young cousin. Now, my mother has commandeered my guest list and invited all of her brothers and sisters. My father invited at least one (possibly two) cousins of his, and a family friend. And my fiancé will not have one representative from his family anyplace in attendance.

Perhaps we should just consider them “possible organ or bone marrow donors” and leave it at that.

The bright spot in all of this has been our friends. In a lot of ways, I have always considered my closest friends more family than most of the people I share DNA with. We have more in common. I have been through thick and thin with them. Some of them have shown an infinite capacity for forgiveness. Some I have in turn had to forgive. We have laughed, wept, argued, and loved together. We have been through break-ups, divorces, messy divorces, deaths, births, triumph and tragedy together. We have cheered each other on as we succeed and hold each other up as we fail. And I got to pick each and every one of them. I have known some of my friends for more than half of my life. Others, I have met more recently. My life would lack some of its depth without them.

And I have watched my fiancé with his friends. These are the people who care about him. They want to know what he is doing, and what’s more, how they can help. They know that he will do anything he can for them, and they return the sentiment. I have seen him argue with them, then, when the dust has settled, make amends. I have seen him show an incredible tenderness with them when they are going through pain, and I know that when he most needed someone he could count on, they were there. I know he was in the hospital before we met, and I know that his friends nursed him. I know when he needed a place to stay, they were there. I know if one of them needed the same, he wouldn’t hesitate to provide it. My fiancé is a generous man who would give someone his good eye if he thought it would help them. His friends recognize this in him, and most of them, as far as I can tell, are the same kind of gentle souls.

And they are all coming to our wedding with just a couple of exceptions. The friends who couldn’t come either couldn’t afford the trip (layoffs, students, and living in Europe) or couldn’t get out of work (residents… the remains of the mighty medical students, now worked to death, or at least until they dismount their high-horse). Each one who couldn’t make it, however, expressed genuine regret… Something my fiancé’s mother couldn’t be bothered to do. Not one of our friends invited extra people without asking, unlike my own mother. Not one of our friends tried to guilt us into inviting someone we didn’t like, unlike my father. They have been wonderful, supportive, and they will make sure that we take our vows in front of people who cherish everything we are, good and bad, who we love, and who genuinely love us back.

And isn’t that what family is supposed to do?